from the psychology perspective
The first talk from the illiteracy mother to her daughter ( Umm Iath bint Auf Al Shaibani)
She said to her daughter on her wedding night as she bid her farewell to her daughter that if the will is left, it is for the virtue of literature, I left that to you, but it is an aid to the heedless and a warning to the wise, my daughter, if a woman dispensed with the husband because of the wealth of her parents and their great need for her, you would be most people dispense with your husband, but women are created for men, and for them men are created, you have left the nest, from which you came, The den in which you grew up.. to a den you were not familiar with.. and a companion you did not know.
the explanation:
You left your father’s house (the tender nest in which your father and mother feed you, in which is not only food, but with it is tenderness, but with it is every possibility to carry of your mistakes, And you will go to another nest with which you have not yet harmonized, and a companion to you (a companion) in waking and sleeping that you did not know before and did not study, so be a slave to him: unlike the free woman, that is, as if you are a slave, but only for your husband, you will be a slave and exchange harmony.
The psychology Perspective: Wives' Submission to Husbands
Why surrender to your lover is fun
"Giving up is not about being passive, it's about being open." —Daniel Laporte Both surrender and submission include surrender to a superior force. However, in romantic relationships, they differ in such a way that surrender is only a joyful and prosperous experience. “Submission is a duty of the mind. Surrender of the heart, an emotional attitude that gives everything to your loved ones as you have each other.” -Missis, Romantic surrender and romantic submission part ways not in the activities themselves, but in the emotional circumstances and situations associated with each of them. Both experiences involve an imbalance of power and the giving of power to the other. The difference is whether the payoff is limited in time and extension, or rather, is a permanent and built-in aspect of the relationship, In romantic surrender, surrender is short and limited to romantic (often sexual) circumstances. This return can be part of the behavior of both partners. The primary emotional stance here is to improve the experience of the surrendering partner, thereby enhancing the well-being of both partners, In Romantic Submission, surrender is a well-established and enduring aspect of public relations between the two partners, and also slips into the romantic world. The activity here aims to increase the pleasure of the superior partner while harming the autonomy of the submissive partner, thus preventing that partner from flourishing. In romantic surrender, we trust and nurture the other; In submission, we exploit and humiliate the other. Romantic surrender is a flourishing experience for both partners, who thus broaden their horizons and self-knowledge. Romantic submission is demeaning to the lower extremity, whose view is reduced to that of the higher partner (Hill, 2016)
There are cases when lovers first succumb to their mutual attraction - just drifting along the stream. However, when mutual surrender does not go beyond the stage of attraction, one may become bad - making the other submissive. Sometimes strong people also like to be sexually submissive, as a kind of play. Such a play, which can be fun, is legitimate as long as it is time-limited, reciprocal, and remains playful.
whose more submission in relationship: man or woman?
Two main cases are relevant here: (1) Throughout history, women have been more submissive than men in their daily behavior. and (2) there was a superficial resemblance between submissive activities in general and in the romantic sphere. These conditions are increasingly changing now. Women are less submissive in their daily behavior, and the issue of self-actualization and personal prosperity is increasingly taking on greater importance. accordingly, I believe that surrender, rather than submission, is becoming more and more common, and the differences between the sexes here are decreasing. More men will find romantic submission a pleasurable experience, and fewer women will engage in conditions of romantic submission.
The second part of the hadith (A mother to her daughter)
Memorize for him ten qualities that will be an asset for you:
1- As for the first and second, it is to submit to him with contentment, good hearing and obedience to him
1 - The Perspective of Psychology:
The concept of obedience in psychology:
Obedience is a form of social influence that involves doing an action under the orders of an authority figure. It is different from compliance (which involves changing your behavior at someone else's request) and conformity (which involves changing your behavior in order to fit in with the rest of the group). Instead, obedience involves changing your behavior because someone in authority has told you so. Studies have shown that humans are obedient when there are figures of perceived legitimate authority, as demonstrated by the Milgram experiment in the 1960s, which was carried out by Stanley Milgram to find out how the Nazis were able to involve ordinary people in the mass murders of the Holocaust. Experience showed that obedience to authority was the rule, not the exception. Regarding obedience, Milgram said, "Obedience is an essential component of the structure of social life. The existence of a system of power is a necessity for all forms of communal living, and those who live in isolation are the only ones who do not have to obey the commands of others either by refusal or submission.
Third and fourth advice
3-4 - As for the third and fourth, it is to pledge to the position of his eyes and to inspect the position of his nose, so that his eyes do not fall on you that is ugly, and he does not smell from you except the best wind, and kohl is the best described beauty, and water and soap are the best known perfume.
3-4 from the perspective of psychology
Emotional attitude towards private appearance and the appearance of the spouse: analysis of relationships with the relationship between spouses themselves, others, and the world The experimental data were analyzed using Spearman's correlation analysis, Mann-Whitney test, and Kruskal-Wallis test, and the results were as follows: (1) in men and women: The attitude towards their appearance is related to the attitude towards themselves; The attitude to the appearance of the husband is related to the attitude towards him or her; (2) In women, the assessment of their appearance is related to the attitude towards their appearance; In men, the assessment of their appearance is related to the attitude towards the appearance of their husbands; (3) The attitude of a woman to her appearance is related to the need for inclusion, while in the case of men it is related to the need for love; 4) Men who emotionally reject their mothers are dissatisfied with the appearance of their wives.
Why couples need to "clean up" in their relationship
Many newly married couples have woken up rudely because they have discovered the "dirty" side of their partners. Psychologists say that people do not attach much importance to personal hygiene, but what they do not realize is that the lack of it can affect marriage in a drastic way, it is not only newlyweds who face the demon of hygiene. Sometimes the partner starts to show a lack of hygiene over the years, as in the case of Rohit and Mira “Things were fine at first but with time I realized that he started neglecting his personal hygiene. He often forgot to brush his teeth,” she said. And that became a huge problem for me.” “I couldn’t stand myself, and I couldn’t tell him either because I knew he wasn’t going to take it kindly,” she admits. Soon the distance started creeping in between them and she ended up turning Rohit away from her. Experts feel it’s good to talk about Matters if a lack of cleanliness leads to a situation where the marriage may fall apart, although the impure partner may not take it with a smile, so to speak, but marriage counselors strongly suggest it.The reluctant partner should take the risk of telling the partner what and where the problem is.Risk harassment The partner is much less at risk of losing/dissolving your marriage.
The secret to a healthy marriage is...make-up?
According to the Daily Mail, a recent survey found that "a third of women get up before their partner to secretly apply makeup, while 3 percent won't let their man see them at all."
Fifth and sixth advice
5-6 - As for the fifth and sixth, check the time of his meal and be calm when he sleeps, for the heat of hunger is blazing and disturbs sleep, distressing and angering him,
The Perspective of Psychology
Lack of sleep and its relationship to stress: Sleep is a necessary human function - it allows our brains to recharge our bodies for rest.1 When we don't sleep long or enough, our bodies don't get the full benefits of sleep, such as muscle repair and memory enhancement. Sleep is so critical that even slight sleep deprivation or lack of sleep can affect memory, judgment, and mood. In addition to feeling lethargic, chronic sleep deprivation can contribute to health problems, from obesity and high blood pressure to driving safety risks. Research has shown that most Americans would be happier, healthier, and safer if they slept an extra 60 to 90 minutes a night.
7-8 - As for the seventh and eighth
it is taking care of his house and his money and taking care of himself and his children, the matter is good management in money, and in children, good management,
7 - 8 - the perspective of psychology:
Why is a clean home so therapeutic?
Even if you prefer to have a little clutter in your living environment, house cleaning is still an essential part of home ownership and daily maintenance. Why is it so important to our souls to have a clean home? While interpretations vary, some promising new research shows that having a clean home encourages us to seek new experiences and go out more often, all of which can be helpful in managing negative emotions. According to a study conducted at Indiana University, St. Louis residents reported higher levels of physical activity. When they had a clean house. In fact, researchers found that indoor hygiene was one of the main predictors of physical activity, even when all other factors were taken into account. Living in a clean environment can also increase your focus and concentration, according to a 2011 study published in The Journal of Neuroscience. This is because the brain treats clutter and debris as a distraction in an attempt to force you to correct the situation. Whether you realize it or not, your subconscious mind uses mental resources to tackle the clutter in your home or work environment—and consumes valuable bandwidth to perform other tasks.
The study examined how financial well-being, financial disagreements, and perceptions of financial inequality were associated with the likelihood of divorce. When financial disagreements were in the model, financial well-being was not related to divorce. Financial disagreements between spouses and spouses were the strongest types of disagreements to predict divorce. Mediators derived from systems theory (conflict tactics) and social exchange theory (marital satisfaction) fully mediated the association between financial discord and divorce risk. Finally, financial disagreements fully mediated the association between perceptions of financial inequality and divorce. These results indicate that financial disagreements are the strongest predictors of divorce compared to other common marital disagreements. They further suggest that financial disagreements (eg, "content") are related to the marriage process.
9 - 10 As for the ninth and tenth
Do not disobey his command or disclose to him a secret, for if you disobey his command, you will tempt his chest, and if you disclose his secret, you will not be safe from his treachery
The Psychology perspective
Marriage secrets and the need for privacy
In a healthy relationship, you respect the sense of emotional and physical privacy needed for you and your partner. Otherwise, ironically, you end up limiting intimacy with each other, not enhancing it. You can't be really intimate with your soulmate without being in touch with the inner parts of yourself as well, Bad times to share a secret, If you are going to engage your spouse in a confidential or difficult matter, note that the following times are not a good time to have important conversations: at bedtime , during periods of anger, when either of you is in a bad situation When either of you is tired or sick When you or your spouse is angry When your spouse is already dealing with bad news, then after that.. Beware of joy in his hands if he is concerned and depression in his hands if he is happy, for the first is from investigation and the second is from slander.
How to deal with your partner's bad mood?
Tired of walking on eggshells? Mood swings can negatively affect your relationship. Here's how to cope. Many of us have grown up ignoring our emotional responses and, as a result, not knowing how to manage strong emotions when they arise. Moods, such as frequently changing moods or depression, can arise when we avoid or are unable to solve the problems we are struggling with. If we allow ourselves to feel our feelings without doing anything to stop them, they usually pass. But if we try to block our feelings, negative feelings can falter and persist, creating more stress that can affect how we interact with those around us.
But what if your other half is in a bad mood? And what happens when these moods start to affect you? Spending time with a moody partner a lot can be very stressful and hard to deal with. Bad moods can feel like they're turning on us, and most people tend to take responsibility and blame themselves for what feels around them. So, what can we do to support our loved ones when they are struggling, while managing the effect of our partner's mood on us at the same time? And how do we know when it's time to move on?
The most you honor him is the most honorable to you, and you will not reach that until you prefer his satisfied over yours... and his desires over your desires in what you like or dislike.
How to treat a man like a king: 21 ways to make him feel like a king
Understand what your husband needs, wants and expects
The list of ways to treat your man like royalty is an exhaustive list, but it's important to understand that every man is different. While one man will treat you like a queen from the start, another expects you to be treated that way before putting in the extra effort. Every man has different expectations, especially in the beginning, Pay attention to his words and actions
If he doesn't tell you directly what to expect during that initial conversation, pay attention to his words and actions. If he says you don't have to do something for him or that he doesn't want you to do it, that means he'd rather you not do that particular thing
1. Treat yourself like a queen
When you treat yourself like a queen, it's guaranteed to make your man feel his best. This means keeping up with your appearance. Perform routine maintenance for women, such as manicures and pedicures. Dress for your man sometimes. Your husband will appreciate it, even if he makes fun of you because you spend so much time getting ready.
2. Make his favorite meal
If you are wondering how to treat a man like a king, it is important to realize that this does not mean that you are his servant. This also does not mean that you need to fulfill all his wants and needs. Taking care of him as if you were his mother is not included.
3. Respect him
Everyone deserves respect, but we tend to forget how important that is when we're in a relationship. Sometimes, we are disrespectful when we are angry, or we are unintentionally disrespectful. Show him you respect him
4. Men love compliments too
Sometimes we forget to tell our guy how amazing he is. Society as a whole expects men to be strong. Unfortunately, this strong man image makes most of us think that they don't care about these compliments. They do and want to feel like king. Let him know that you like his look, his hair, his eyes, etc.
6. Show him affection
I don't care how tough a guy is, he'll still love cuddles and kisses and holding hands. Men like to feel wanted and loved too. If there is a little distance in your marriage, consider giving him some extra affection to make him smile.
The great ideas of a Bedouin woman who may not be able to read and write are now over. To this day, they still affect the marital relationship in a positive effect and it is linked to the psychological studies that support it.
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