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The spinsterhood between Islam and Psychology

Note: Due to the large number of links from both East and West analyzing the issue of the spinsterhood and finding appropriate solutions, we extend our thanks to everyone from whom we have taken even a word. Please forgive us for not mentioning their links.

First: The Meaning of Spinsterhood

The articles used the term "unusa," an Arabic word meaning "a branch that withers and becomes useless," roughly translated as "spinster." This term is no less derogatory and offensive than its English counterpart, yet it remains widely used, even in Arab academic circles. Its official definition appears to be any woman (not a man) over the age of 30 who has not yet married.

Second: the Statistics

Numerous statistics indicate high rates of spinsterhood in Arab countries, which pride themselves on their adherence to religion and customs that encourage and promote marriage. Spinsterhood has also become one of the most serious social problems troubling the Lebanese, given the difficult economic conditions they have experienced over the past two years.


Lebanon Ranked

According to a statistical study issued by the World Health Organization, Lebanon topped the list of Arab countries with the highest rates of spinsterhood, the highest in the Arab world at 85%.


UAE

The number of unmarried girls in the UAE exceeded 75%.


Iraq

Iraq ranked second in the Arab world in terms of high rates of spinsterhood, due to its impact on security, economic, and political instability. The spinsterhood rate reached 85% for both sexes.


Tunisia

Tunisia's Ranking in Spinsterhood Rates: A video recently circulated on social media about the ranking of Arab countries in terms of spinsterhood rates. Speakers in the video stated that Tunisia ranks first in the Arab world in terms of spinsterhood rates, at 81 percent.


Syria

Syria ranked third in the Arab world in terms of the high rate of spinsterhood. The war in Syria, along with migration abroad and forced displacement within the country, has affected the Syrian people, with the rate of spinsterhood reaching 50 percent for young men and 60 percent for young women.


Egypt

According to another survey, 60 percent of young men in Egypt reject the idea of ​​marriage, while there are approximately 12 million unmarried women over the age of 35, in addition to 2.5 million young men in the same age group. The 2021 Egyptian Family Health Survey shows that the number of Egyptian families stands at 25.8 million, with 880,041 marriage contracts recorded, representing a rate of 8.6 per thousand people.


UAE

The rate in the UAE reaches 75 percent, with 175,000 unmarried women. The rates are similar to those in other Gulf countries, with Saudi Arabia reaching 45 percent and Bahrain reaching a low of 25 percent.


Palestine

The lowest rate of spinsterhood in the Arab world: Some say, "If you want to find your life partner, all you have to do is be Palestinian or travel to Palestine, which has the lowest rate of spinsterhood in the Arab world."

Third: Some Causes of the Problem

The Lack of Trust

This means that as people have become more distant from one another and their estrangement has increased, especially in large, crowded cities, and extramarital relationships have become more prevalent, many young men and women have lost confidence in finding a suitable life partner. This is especially true for those who have become involved in such relationships and have come to believe that there are no chaste girls or upright boys.


The high cost of living and the difficulty of finding housing.

The high unemployment rates.


Higher education rates for women, especially in urban areas.


Girls' preoccupation with work or employment and dissatisfaction with suitors (girls going out to work).


Low wages for young men.


Destructive wars


that claim the lives of thousands of young men, increasing the ratio of females to males.


An increase in the number of female births.


Confronting the media

This is achieved through the following: Advocating for women's equality with men. Combating and criminalizing polygamy. Disseminating pornographic images and pornographic films. Encouraging friendship between the sexes and imaginary love between young men and women.

The begaining of the Solutions
1- The Challenges of Spinsterhood and How to Overcome Them
The First Challenge: Exclusion from Social Circles

Spinsterhood can lead to feelings of exclusion in social circles revolving around spouses or families. Activities and events often revolve around spouses or children, making it difficult for spinsters to fully participate or feel included. This feeling of exclusion can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and isolation, exacerbating the difficulties associated with spinsterhood.

To overcome this challenge, it is essential to:

Build a Support Network

Surround yourself with a strong support network of friends, family, and like-minded individuals who understand and appreciate your journey. Look for support groups, online communities, or mentoring programs specifically for single women.


Please take a look at this link (Capable and Determined Women), which includes several initiatives in several Arab countries


The redefining Relationships

Realize that meaningful connections can exist outside the confines of traditional romantic relationships. Build deep and fulfilling friendships, strengthen family bonds, and engage with a supportive community. Focus on quality relationships rather than societal expectations.


Celebrate Your Independence

Embrace and celebrate your independence. Focus on the freedom and independence that comes with being single. Use this time to explore new opportunities, travel, and pursue your ambitions without compromising your dreams or desires.


Challenge 2: The Single Stereotype

Have you ever heard of the concept of "last-resort bias" in marketing? This cognitive bias refers to the fact that consumers often perceive the last items on the shelf or in a store as less attractive or of lower quality compared to the rest of the available products. This bias can influence consumer behavior and decisions, leading them to ignore or devalue the last items on the shelf. They may believe that since others haven't chosen these items, there must be a good reason for their availability. This perception can lead to a decrease in purchase intent or a preference for other products that appear to be more in demand. This same concept can be used to explain the societal misconception about singleness, which suggests that not being married equates to a form of inferiority. However, it's important to recognize that this assumption is unfounded and does not define one's worth. To address and challenge these harmful beliefs, it's essential to empower oneself by developing self-confidence, self-esteem outside of relationships, and self-acceptance.


To overcome this challenge,

Explore your passions, interests, and talents, and build a solid foundation for your self-identity.


Set personal goals and work toward them.


Focus on self-development and personal growth.


Engage in activities that enhance your physical and mental health.


Challenge negative stereotypes associated with spinsterhood.


Highlight the vibrant and fulfilling aspects of your life.


Share stories of achievement, personal growth, and happiness to inspire others and reshape societal perspectives. Remember that your value and worth are not tied to your relationship status; you are perfect and wonderful just the way you are.

Challenge 3: The Need for Excellence and Exploitation

In the world of spinsterhood, there is often a deep-seated tendency to exceed expectations in personal and professional endeavors. This desire can be traced back to the prevailing societal belief that not marrying is a sign of incompetence or deficiency, which drives individuals to compensate by constantly seeking approval and acceptance. Unfortunately, this tendency to strive for superior achievement can leave individuals vulnerable to exploitation, not only in the workplace but also in personal relationships. The pursuit of admiration and approval can lead to excessive workload, the neglect of personal boundaries, and the sacrifice of one's well-being. These actions unwittingly make individuals vulnerable to manipulation, as colleagues, bosses, and even potential partners take advantage of their eagerness to please others.


To overcome this challenge:


- Take a cautious approach to vulnerability


Be wise when sharing personal vulnerabilities


Not everyone's intentions may be good.


- Set and enforce clear boundaries


Define clear personal and professional boundaries to prevent excessive demands and maintain a healthy work-life balance.


- Practice the art of saying "no"


Learn to decline tasks or requests that are beyond your capacity or that threaten your personal safety.


- Assert yourself when necessary


Recognize instances of exploitation and have the strength to express concerns or objections without fear of retaliation.


- Cut off toxic relationships


It's essential to recognize when a relationship or friendship is becoming detrimental to your well-being. Cut off ties with those who bring negativity into your life or diminish your accomplishments.

Challenge 4: Loneliness

The experience of emptiness and loneliness can be particularly impactful for single women. The absence of a romantic partner or a meaningful relationship can trigger deep feelings of isolation and longing. However, there are ways to overcome these feelings. Consider the following strategies:


- Build a fulfilling social life

Seek opportunities to connect with like-minded people through social clubs, interest groups, or volunteer work.


-Prioritize Self-Care

Invest your time and energy in activities that nourish the self and promote mental health. Pursue hobbies, practice mindfulness or meditation, and prioritize self-care routines.


-Focus on Gratitude

Change your perspective by consciously acknowledging and appreciating the positive aspects of your life. Gratitude can help balance feelings of emptiness and cultivate a greater sense of contentment.


-Seek Therapy or Professional Counseling

If feelings of emptiness and loneliness persist, consider seeking support from a trained therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and help you manage your emotions effectively.

2- The community Solutions

Spreading the Culture of Marriage and its Importance


To provide for many of the innate needs of a healthy soul in a healthy manner consistent with religious and moral values ​​and sound customs.


Here's a link: The Importance of Marriage for the Individual and Society


Strengthening the family and social network

This factor appears to be particularly effective in large cities, where isolation and shrinkage prevail, and family and social relationships are limited or weakened. This makes dating difficult and leaves many girls living in the shadows and forgotten. These communities include mosques, religious councils, social clubs, family trips, Hajj and Umrah, and other activities.


Going Beyond Formal Requirements

Many girls spend years waiting for the prince of their dreams, a specific image of whom they have envisioned. Life goes on, and the prince of their dreams stumbles into the home of the intended couple because he didn't originally meet those specifications, which cannot be found in one person. It is important for a girl to maintain the necessary conditions that will ensure her safety with a loving, responsible husband capable of providing the necessary protection.


Don't Let Education Be an Obstacle

Many women in some Arab countries are keen to complete their higher education before considering marriage. Sometimes, a guardian is an obstacle to this. Life may pass without a husband who matches her educational level. It is important for an educated woman to be convinced that marriage and education are not mutually exclusive, and that she can move forward with the marriage project with someone with whom she agrees on the broad outlines of this relationship.


Online Social Media

Online social networking sites that adhere to Sharia and ethical standards, and whose administrators are extremely vigilant against corrupt and malicious individuals, there is nothing wrong with subscribing to and benefiting from them.


Postponing the idea of ​​having children

In the early years of completing your studies, agree on this in advance.


The large Families Fund

For social solidarity to eliminate spinsterhood: This includes providing funds from large families to facilitate the marriage process for family members and assisting those unable to marry.


Religious leaders should determine the number of girls of marriageable age in their neighborhood

through their guardians - and what desires they want to fulfill in a husband. The person responsible for this should be someone whose faith and knowledge are trusted, and who is committed to maintaining the complete confidentiality of this information. The religious leader in charge of the initiative should have insight into men's faces, enabling them to distinguish a serious man from a playful one from the first time they meet him.


Establishing a "Marriage Fund"

Establishing a marriage fund similar to what the United Arab Emirates, Kuwait, and Saudi Arabia have done. This fund is contributed to by businessmen and those who wish to do good and protect social peace. It is intended to provide reasonable loans to those seeking marriage, payable in installments over many years and afforded by the young man and woman. The state and individuals support this fund on an ongoing basis, allowing it to benefit those who lack the financial resources to do so. This fund enables them to finance their homes, not just the wedding ceremony.


Special marriage offices and associations.

This could be a recognized social association or a special department within charitable organizations, such as the Tawfiq Committee: an alternative to a matchmaker. It would be preferable if this committee cooperated with the Civil Registry to list unmarried couples in the neighborhood, or even the city if it is divided into different sections, such as in Egypt (Bab Hay Sharq - Bab Gharb, etc.). As is the case with some well-known offices, the mediator acts between the suitor and the fiancée's guardian, earning a reward for this work in addition to the reward they will receive in the afterlife—God willing. This office must have a strong relationship with charitable projects in terms of organization and follow-up. Establishing offices and associations for reconciliation between two people through lawful means, under the supervision of religious scholars and family affairs experts, has become an urgent necessity in light of the high rates of spinsterhood in our society. An official body must be established to champion this endeavor, officially licensed by government agencies, and supported by the Council of Senior Scholars and some of our esteemed sheikhs. Only those with knowledge and integrity should work in this field, and it is recommended that only married couples should be allowed to work in this field.


Standing Up Against Greedy Parents

Some parents prevent their daughters from marrying because they are employed and bring in a monthly income. Some, if they see great beauty and good morals in their daughters, turn away low-income suitors in the hope that wealthy or prestigious individuals will approach her and bargain with them. Although this type of marriage is rare in society, it does exist, and we cannot ignore that it is one of the reasons for the spread of this phenomenon.


Organizing mass weddings

For those with limited income, this is a way to solve the problem of delaying the age of marriage for men and women and encouraging others who lack the means to start a family.


Agreeing with school principals and their deputies

With the great efforts to marry female teachers and employees, in cooperation with mosque imams and those concerned with marriage issues, it is imperative to be aware of the importance of this work and to ensure that it is carried out in a confidential manner. Some have considered it a means of contributing to solving the serious problem of spinsterhood in society.


Solving the Housing Problem

This is a duty of the state, more than of individuals, by solving the unemployment problem in general, as well as solving the housing crisis by providing the necessary housing at a low cost, such as adopting innovative and affordable ideas for traditional homes. Such as trucks that can be transformed into beautiful homes or other modern, innovative, and inexpensive architectural ideas, such as studio homes or houses made from puzzle pieces.


Providing affordable loans

Governments must launch campaigns to encourage young people to marry by providing them with affordable loans and job opportunities to help them move forward with their marriage plans.


Providing job opportunities for unemployed youth

Unemployed, unmarried men live in a state of instability (often compared to unstable, spinster girls). This leads to widespread instability in society as a whole, resulting in many manifestations of extremism or deviance.


3- The Islamic Solutions

1- Marrying

A widow (a widow): (a person without a husband/wife, even if previously married)


God Almighty says:

وَأَنكِحُوا الأَيَامَى مِنْكُمْ وَالصَّالِحِينَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَإِمَائِكُمْ إِنْ يَكُونُوا فُقَرَاءَ يُغْنِهِمُ اللَّهُ مِنْ فَضْلِهِ وَاللَّهُ وَاسِعٌ عَلِيمٌ [النور:32]

And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves, male and female. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty. And Allah is all-Encompassing and Knowing. [An-Nur: 32]


Ayam

A single person, whether male or female, married before or unmarried.


A widow (a widow) who has become a widow after the death of her husband.


A single person, whether male or female, who has previously been married or has never been married.


A widower, male or female, who has become a widow after the death of her husband.


In Imam Ibn Baz's explanation of this verse,

A Muslim is a brother to a Muslim. He helps him marry, helps him maintain his chastity, and helps his sister in God maintain her chastity. This is a case of cooperation in righteousness and piety, and of the verse, "And cooperate in righteousness and piety." [Al-Ma'idah: 2], so they commanded the marriage of male and female servants, meaning: the male servants of God and the female servants of God, because they are their brothers in God, or their sons, or their brothers by blood, or their uncles, or their brothers' sons. They advised them to marry them and help them. Because they are brothers among themselves, even if they are not his children, nor his brothers, Islam unites them, and religion unites them, so they are brothers in God I. For this reason they were commanded to cooperate in righteousness and piety. He said: “And cooperate in righteousness and piety” [Al-Ma’idah: 2]. A Muslim is a brother of a Muslim. He does not wrong him or look down on him. The hadith says, “Whoever is concerned with the need of his brother, God will be concerned with his need.” Agreed upon says, “And God is with the servant as long as the servant is with his brother.”

A Look at the Holy Verse

The phrase "marry"

It appears in the imperative form, not as a recommendation. Who is meant by this command? Guardians of girls and boys, as well as religious leaders in society, all the way to the guardian of Muslims in a given country.


The single among you and the righteous

1. God Almighty distinguished between the single and the righteous in a subtle gesture: that you should not only marry the righteous, and that is, those you seek to marry, but rather marry everyone you can marry, as a general interest of society, not for the private interest of a segment of society that operates within society, called the religious society, and is intellectually and socially separate from the rest of society. It is well-known in religious circles that married people do not interact with single men and women, especially women. In psychology, it is also said to you: Surround your marriage with a group of good, cohesive relationships, as this is more conducive to the cohesion of your marriage.


2. God Almighty did not mention the term "spinster," which is specific to women. Rather, He called every single person, whether male or female, "unmarried." This is an indication from the Lord of the Worlds that He has designated a ruling for single men and women equally, whether he or she has previously been married, of course, or neither of them has ever been married.


Of your male and female servants

Not all of us are servants of God. Servants are more often used to refer to the righteous, as in the Almighty's saying: "And the servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk upon the earth easily." It differs from slaves, as in the Almighty's saying: "And your Lord is not unjust to His servants." We are all slaves of God (slaves of power and might), but few of us ascend to the attribute of servants of the Most Merciful.

As for female slaves

please do yourself a favor by Re - reading this blog about slaves. At the end of the twenty-first century, they have returned to unprecedented numbers. Their numbers, as far as we can tell, have reached 10 or 12 million people worldwide, most of whom are Muslims, and most of whom are women and children, whose religious identity may change once they are sold. Among the Islamic solutions for slaves (about 21 solutions) is marrying them to free them from slavery.

The slavery nowadays Blog

If they are poor, God will enrich them from His bounty

Events and history throughout history have demonstrated that the poor of yesterday are rich today, and circumstances change for their people as long as they remain pious to God Almighty.


Marriage in Arab societies remains "the only socially and religiously acceptable context for sexuality and raising children."


Mulla Ali al-Qari said:

"Because if you do not marry women except to someone with wealth or influence, most of your women may remain without husbands, and most of your men may remain without women. This will increase temptation to fornication, and shame may befall guardians, leading to discord and corruption. This will result in the severing of family ties and a decline in righteousness and chastity."


Our Master Abdullah ibn Mas'ud (may God be pleased with him) said:

"If I had only ten days left to live, and I knew that I would die after that, and I could marry (within those ten days), I would marry, lest I expose myself to corruption."


3- Hastening the marriage of a girl if a suitable match is found.


Regarding preventing a girl from marrying her, it is stated: "Marrying her to a suitable match is a crime against three people."


1- The guardian commits a crime against himself by disobeying God and His Messenger.


2- A crime against the woman by preventing her from marrying a suitable match whom she is satisfied with.


3- A crime against the suitor by denying him a right that the Lawgiver has commanded him to grant.


He warned against preventing a girl from marrying her and delaying her marriage to a suitable man. Ali reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said to him: "There are three things that should not be delayed: the prayer when it is due, the funeral when it arrives, and the un- married if a suitable match is found for her."


3- Offering a Daughter in Marriage to a Suitable Match

Salih Madyan offered his daughter to the righteous man of the Children of Israel (Moses, peace be upon him). Umar ibn al-Khattab offered his daughter Hafsa to Abu Bakr and Uthman. A woman offered herself to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him. It is a good thing for a man to offer his guardianship, and for a woman to offer herself to a righteous man, following the example of the righteous predecessors.


4- Facilitating the dowries

Ibn Abi Wada'ah said, "I was sitting with Sa'id ibn al-Musayyab, and he missed me for a few days. When I came back, he said, 'Where have you been?' I said, 'My wife died, and I was busy with her.' He said, 'Why didn't you tell us?' So we could attend." Then I wanted to get up, but he said, 'Have you married a new wife?' I said, 'May God have mercy on you, who will marry me? I only own two or three dirhams.' He said, 'I will.' I said, 'Will you do that?'" Yes, then he praised God and sent blessings upon the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), and married me for two or three dirhams.


We don't say two dirhams and a quarter dirham or the like, as the times are different. However, the dowry of a woman of her peers is appropriate, unless she or her guardian voluntarily waives part of the dowry to make things easier for the suitor, facilitate her recovery, and expedite her marriage.

A nearly complete file on dowry in Islam

5- youth Initiative to Marry

Islam urges all young people who are able to afford marriage (dowry and maintenance) to initiate it. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) recommended this. Abdullah ibn Mas'ud said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said to us: "O young people, whoever among you can afford marriage, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding one's chastity." Allah, the Blessed and Exalted, has pledged to assist young people who intend to marry. Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "Three are entitled to Allah's assistance: the one who strives in the cause of Allah, the one who is in a contract of marriage who wants to pay off his debt, and the one who marries to remain chaste."


5- That married couples take the initiative to marry more than one wife.

Islam has permitted this with its own restrictions and conditions. God Almighty says: {Then marry such women as seem good to you, two, three, or four.} [An-Nisa': 3]. Ibn Sa'di said: "That is, whoever wishes to take two wives, let him do so, or three, or four, let him do so, but he should not exceed them. This is because the verse was cited to express gratitude, and it is not permissible to exceed what God Almighty has specified, by consensus."

A complete topic about polygamy: You can download this file


6- The media should fulfill its intended role

and serve as a tool to encourage young men and women to marry. Here are some tips:


1- Writing scripts for TV series and films based on psychology, such as (the importance of marriage to society as a whole and to individuals, and that disintegrated societies are more vulnerable to external interference)


For more information about the importance of marriage for the individual and society as a whole from a psychological perspective, please visit this link.


In conclusion

it is said that if you lean on one of the truly beautiful and distinctive things in your life, it is fraught with danger. Why? A beautiful woman who relies on her beauty, her appearance could change due to just a small part of anemia. A woman who relies on her strong personality, societal expectations sometimes outweigh her courage. A woman who relies on the quality of her education and work: if she lost her job for any reason, she would feel vulnerable, and so on... So what is the solution? Cultivate in your personality the things and things you are passionate about. Sometimes it's education, sometimes it's focusing on your beauty, sometimes it's increasing your morals and religion. Here, take courses and there, and fill your free time completely. As the proverb goes, "At work, a person forgets himself and forgets to search for happiness, and that is the very essence of happiness."


An Important Note: Why Did Lady Aisha Not Marry After the Death of the Messenger of God?


The answer is clear, as the Qur'an says:

{مَا كَانَ لَكُمْ أَنْ تُؤْذُوا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ وَلاَ تَنْكِحُوا أَزْوَاجَهُ مِنْ بَعْدِهِ أَبَدًا إِنَّ ذَلِكَ لَكَانَ عِنْدَ اللَّهِ عَظِيمًا} [سورة الأحزاب: ٥٣]

"It is not for you to harm the Messenger of God, nor to marry his wives after him, ever. Indeed, that would be in the sight of God, an enormity." [Surat al-Ahzab: 53]

Is there another reason?

Yes: to gain knowledge. There is a hadith, although its chain of transmission is weak, which we can use as a basis for this context.


The hadith: "Take half of your religion from this red-skinned woman."

Imam Al-Shawkani said about it in (Al-Fawa’id Al-Majmu’ah fi Al-Ahadith Al-Da’ifah wa Al-Mawdu’ah): The hadith “Take half of your religion from Al-Humayra’.” Ibn Hajar said: I do not know of any chain of transmission for it, nor have I seen it in any of the books of hadith! Except in Nihayat Ibn Al-Athir, and except in Al-Firdaws without a chain of transmission. Al-Mizzi and Al-Dhahabi were asked about it, but they did not know it. This is also in Al-Maqasid.

The evidence for citing this hadith

1 - You are aware that Lady Aisha, may God bless him and grant him peace, died when she was 18 years old.

The Mother of the Believers, Aisha, may God be pleased with her, was 18 years old when the Prophet, may God bless him and grant him peace, died. In Sahih Muslim, on the authority of Urwa, on the authority of Aisha, may God be pleased with her, the Prophet, may God bless him and grant him peace, married her when she was seven years old, and she was brought to him when she was nine years old. He played with her, and he died when she was eighteen years old.


This means that

she lived for 18 years until her death, may God be pleased with her, at the age of sixty-four (64). You know that she did not have children. This means that she lived forty-six years after the death of the Messenger of God, may God bless him and grant him peace. So, what did she do during this time? She devoted herself to knowledge and taught Muslims their religion. She was the closest to the Messenger of God, may God bless him and grant him peace, and she devoted herself to him, having no children. This is a comfort to every woman who has not married, is divorced, or is widowed, to engage in knowledge. There are two things that cover every flaw or shortcoming: knowledge and generosity.


O God, marry young men and women to righteous husbands/girls who will be a source of their happiness and a reason for their closeness to You. You are the Guardian of that and the One who is able to do it.


O God, increase our knowledge and benefit us with what You have taught us.


أحدث منشورات

عرض الكل
The rights of the husband حقوق الزوج

1- الطاعة يقول النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم  “إذا صلت المرأة خمسها، وصامت شهرها، وأطاعت زوجها، دخلت الجنة” [رواه ابن حبان] معايير طاعة الزوج...

 
 
 

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